John Quincy Adams Digital Diary

30. Mr: Foster’s child was so ill that they were obliged to take a carriage to bring it into Boston; and I brought in his horse and Chaise. On reaching Boston I called on Mr: Shaw, who delivered me several Letters— I saw Judge Davis and had some conversation with him respecting the application I have made to the Corporation of the College— Met Mr: Boylston, and wrote a letter on his business to Mr: Caldwell— While I was writing it Mr: Shaw came in to the Suffolk Insurance Office, where I was and gave me a letter from my wife— I instantly opened it and found it a message of Misfortune— Her child—(a Son) was born dead— Her own danger had been very great— But she was so much recovered as to be able to write, herself— I finished my letter for Mr: Boylston, without discovering my own emotion— But he asked me what my account from Washington was— I told him—and left him— It was one O’Clock—and rained; but the desire of being alone determined me to walk to Cambridge immediately; which I did— They 244They had dined at Dr: Waterhouse’s— I retired to my chamber, after dining, myself, and there yielded to the weakness, which I had so long struggled to conceal and restrain.— I endeavoured to reason myself into resignation to the will of Heaven, and I felt duly grateful for the inestimable blessings it has given me in my other Children, and for the favour bestowed in preserving my wife through her imminent danger— Her Letter affected me deeply by its tenderness—its resignation—and its fortitude— As soon as I was able to hold a pen, I wrote to her, and to vary the scene and circumstances around her which must be painful after this Event, have invited her to come here as soon as she gets well enough to travel; without waiting my return to her in the winter at Washington— I have heretofore felt and express’d too bitterly the pangs of such disappointments— The mercy of Heaven has compensated me for all those sufferings by my two boys, who promise all that a parent’s Heart can wish from children of their age— I had given up my Heart to Hope, and Joy in the Hope of a third— It is gone— Let the rigour of the stroke help to purify my soul by affliction, and may my never ceasing gratitude flow for the blessings which remain to me by the bounty of Providence—